


a war in my mind, so i just ride

by blueabsinthe



Series: We Were Emergencies [3]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Come Shot, Comeplay, Dirty Talk, Light Bondage, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Tampa Bay Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:59:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueabsinthe/pseuds/blueabsinthe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories are fickle things ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	a war in my mind, so i just ride

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during the time in-between February 9-10, 2013. Shortly after the Lightning versus Bruins game was postponed due to weather related issues. Some events do overlap with the [Hide the Night](http://archiveofourown.org/series/25182)-series
> 
> Title of the story is from the Lana Del Rey song, 'Ride'

Vince knew it was stupid to let the first loss to the Rangers bother him as much as it had. Truth be told, he had been more than a little distracted by the simple fact that Brad and Hank were in Tampa to begin with. 

He knew it was stupid to dwell on the events of the summer. Brad had made his choice, and whether he liked it or not, Vince had to live with the outcome. Vince supposed it was for the best. He had been trying to convince himself of that fact ever since he got back from New York, and tried to keep a regular conditioning schedule during the lockout. Vince figured trying to keep himself distracted was better than the alternative. 

The alternative being the night he spent with Ryan. Vince had been avoiding Ryan, and discussing it with him ever since. Vince rationalized it was better to let things be. After all, they had never actually declared it to be anything else other than a one time thing. Except, Ryan is all he thought about afterwards. 

Ryan _is_ all he thinks about. 

The way Ryan moved over him in the dim light of his room that night. The colourful ink covering parts of his otherwise porcelain skin. 

That thought alone does nothing to stop the shiver that runs through Vince's veins, and he shifts in his seat on the bus in an attempt to hide it from inquisitive eyes. Of course, his shifting does not go undetected by Marty, who eyes him speculatively. 

"You okay?" he asks.

Vince shrugs, and turns his attention to the window of their bus. He watches as the signs pass by them, a reminder they were almost in New York. He can almost feel the weight of a pair of cornflower blue eyes on him for the remainder of the trip.

By the time they arrive in New York and at their hotel, dusk was starting to settle on the city. The thick February air clings to Vince, seeping into the thick wool of his coat. A heavy dusting of snow blankets the streets, causing it to be slippery in places. The air was thick and palpable with the scent. Vince heard someone sigh heavily next to him, drawing his eyes upwards until they locked with Ryan's stormy blue ones. 

Ryan's nose and cheeks were raw and red, his copper curls dishevelled. Snowflakes dotted the strands of Ryan's hair, glittering like uncut diamonds. Vince found he was staring, watching as a few stray flakes got stuck on the thick fringe of Ryan's eyelashes. Vince shivered, despite being bundled up in a thick winter coat. He half-blamed it on the weather, and half on getting so caught up in Ryan's gaze. 

It was an inexplicable feeling, Vince thought. It really was. Being so caught up in not knowing what he wanted, and yet, knowing everything he could ever possibly want was somehow hidden in the depths of a pair of cornflower blue eyes. Vince's pace was leisurely as he finally tore his eyes away from Ryan and continued on his way towards the hotel entrance. 

The adrenaline leaves Vince's body in a rush the moment he slides the key card into his door. Vince resists the urge to sprawl facedown on his bed as he kicks off his shoes, and sheds his winter coat. He strips out of his clothes as he makes his way into the bathroom. 

Vince sighed, letting his forehead rest on the cool marble wall of the shower. The water beats down on his shoulder blades, and gets tangled in his hair. The droplets trickle down from his hair, landing rhythmically on his shoulders, and his chest. The steam billows around him, the dampness clinging to the air makes him lightheaded. 

He still dreams about Brad sometimes. The dreams themselves do not change. But lately the ending usually does. Which is why Vince is always thrown for a loop whenever the ending falls down around him like a Florida rainstorm. It leaves him a quivering, whimpering mess as the shower continues to beat down on his form. 

_"Que la raison ne connaît pas …"_

_"We've been over for a long time, Vince. We've watched each other over the years come so close to fucking everything up. Watching, and doing everything wrong. We've been letting our whole relationship go wrong for close to two decades. And, I can't … I can't keep doing the wrong thing."_

_"It's time we live. Even if it means we try to do it apart."_

Vince squeezes his eyes shut, willing his subconscious to keep Brad's voice, and his form in his mind. Brad's voice, the muggy heat of summer in New York clings to his form. Brad's hand warm against his shoulder … it is enough to almost throw Vince off balance. 

_"What are you saying here, Vince?"_

"Say something, Vince."

"You and me … we're finished?"

Brad's voice is so near, so inexorably near, Vince almost doesn't realize his hands are clawing desperately at the tiles in an effort to maintain his balance. 

Eventually, Vince realizes the water has gone cold. He moves and twists the knobs until the water stops. He can feel the muscles in his back and shoulder blades flex and contract with his movement. He glances down at his wrists briefly, and Vince feels a memory stir. Not about Brad this time. But, of Ryan.

Ryan, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and a slight edge in his blue depths as he had climbed onto the bed that night, the silk tie in his grasp. 

"Relax, Captain, we're just getting started …"

Vince had been powerless to stop Ryan, and really, for one fleeting moment, he hadn't wanted to. Before he knew it, his hands were bound, and Ryan was staring down into his dark eyes. 

"Lie on your back, arms over your head." 

Vince slid up the bed, and lay back on the cool linen, and raised his hands above his head like instructed. He felt the bed shift, as Ryan sat on the side of the bed, his hands running over the silk bindings, and down Vince's arms. 

"Ryan, what is this -"

Ryan pressed a finger to Vince's lips. "Shh."

The next thing Vince knew Ryan had tied the loose ends of the silk to the metal of his headboard. He tugged on his wrist bindings, and glared at Ryan. "Are you trying to be cute, Malone?"

Ryan smirked, as he leaned down, his mouth against Vince's ear. "Humour me for a bit, Captain." He nibbled at Vince's earlobe. "You'll like this, I promise."

Vince tugged harder at the bindings, and squirmed under Ryan. "What if I said I don't like this?"

Ryan gave him an absolutely infuriating smirk. "I'm not untying you, Captain." He leaned in, his lips hovering over Vince's. "You fucking love it anyway. Don't even try and deny it." Ryan flicked the tip of his tongue over Vince's lips, and smiled as he heard Vince whimper. "You like not knowing what to expect. Riding that thin line between the expected and unexpected."

By now Ryan was straddling Vince's waist, his blunt nails raking over Vince's chest. The mere proximity of Ryan's heated flesh near his caused Vince to tug on the bindings again, and suck his breath in sharply as he felt his cock twitch and go half-hard. 

"This isn't funny anymore, Malone," Vince managed to get out.

Ryan laughed as he rested his hands on the bed, and leaned down until his lips were brushing over the thin skin of Vince's jawline. Ryan's mass of copper curls brushed over Vince's face, and as Ryan's soft lips pressed a light, chaste kiss to the side of his head, Vince whimpered. He tugged futilely at the bindings on his wrist, wanting desperately to get his fingers tangled in Ryan's hair. 

"On the contrary, Captain, I'm rather enjoying myself." Ryan trailed a line of kisses down the side of Vince's face, and shifted slightly as he continued down to Vince's neck. Vince tugged stubbornly on the tie, and nearly bit his lip in two when he felt Ryan grind down and into his erection with his. 

"Fucking shit, Malone," Vince breathed, jacking his hips up in an effort to create more friction. 

One of Ryan's hands moved swiftly to Vince's hip, and pressed down, stopping Vince's movements. Vince whimpered, and let out a string of curse words in French. Ryan tongued the hollow in the base of Vince's throat, before his mouth moved to suck at the soft juncture of skin where neck meets shoulder. Vince squirmed beneath him, sucking in breaths in quick, rapid bursts. 

"Come on, Malone. What are you waiting for? More …"

Ryan flicked his eyes up to Vince, before he sat up again, fingers trailing lightly over Vince's chest, and down his abdomen. "How does it feel, Captain? Knowing I'm so near, so close for you to touch, and not being able to?" 

Vince shivered as Ryan's fingertips brushed across his hipbones. "Untie me, and I'll show you what I feel when I can't touch you," he growled, tugging hard against the bindings to prove his point. 

Ryan laughed as he shook his head, before leaning down, his arms framing Vince's face. "Apparently, no one's bothered to teach you about restraint, Captain."

Vince tugged harder at the bindings, the silk digging into his wrists more. He gritted his teeth as Ryan ground hard against him again. Vince couldn't help it, he let out a long, low moan, and noticed as Ryan's otherwise remote blue eyes clouded over for a second. "Fucking hell, Malone. Don't you know a damn thing about me by now?" 

Ryan trailed the tips of his fingers down Vince's sides, before he curled his fingers around Vince's heated flesh, and stroked him deftly. "If this is you restrained, Captain, I'd hate to see you unrestrained." 

Vince bit his bottom lip as Ryan's hand continued to move over him. The silk dug painfully into his wrists as he continued to be denied of being able to touch Ryan's flesh. "I'm the Captain of the Tampa Bay Lightning, of course I know about fucking restraint." Vince thrust his hips up into Ryan's awaiting hand. "Something that you have a hard time showing," he spat out.

Ryan laughed, as he slid his fingers away from Vince's cock, and heard as he groaned at the loss of contact. Vince saw Ryan's lips curl in his signature infuriating smirk, and he half-wished his hands were unbound so he could smack him. He started to say something to Ryan, but the sounds were garbled as Ryan's fingers were in his hair, tugging his head back, his lips hovering over Vince's. 

"I'm not the one who came by just me rubbing their knee against them," Ryan returned, before his mouth came down over Vince's, effectively silencing him. 

Vince's head was spinning, his wrists tugging futilely at the silk. "Motherfucking fuck, Malone …" he hissed as Ryan curled his hand around his cock again. "Keep doing that. Oh, shit … _fuck_ \- come on … faster."

"My house, my rules, Captain," Ryan whispered.

"Fuck you and your goddamn rules, Malone," Vince growled, before he arched his hips, grinding shamelessly against Ryan. The friction created was mind numbing, and electric. 

Vince trembled as Ryan ran a finger along the sides of his body. He watches as the blue of Ryan's eyes flicker, his mouth curved in a smile. There's a coolness swirling in the depths. Vince has a hard time trying to formulate a response, before he feels Ryan's mouth press against his again, his hands coming up to cover Vince's bound hands. 

Finally, Vince manages to tear his eyes away from his wrists, and grab a nearby towel. The billow of steam from his shower has long since disappeared as he makes his way into his room. His hair is dishevelled, water falling onto the bronzed slope of his muscled shoulders. HIs chest is a rosy hue from the heat of the shower. Vince rummages around in his suitcase, locating a pair of loose fitting sweats, and pulling them on. His eyes fall on the blue silk tie tucked into the corner of his case. The blue almost the exact same shade as the one Ryan used on him that night. Vince feels the blood rushing in his ears, as he remembers the way the silk dug into his wrists. Warmth pools in his belly, before it rushes to his groin. 

Vince is drawn from his daydreaming by a knock on his door. He crosses the floor, and opens the door, letting in a rush of cool air, and the smell of Ryan's cologne. 

Ryan leans against the door jamb, eyes twinkling with amusement. His hair is damp, the copper curls of his hair almost glowing in the light from the hotel hallway. 

"Malone," Vince says flatly. 

Wordlessly, Ryan moves towards Vince, the door clicking shut behind him. He presses Vince against the neighbouring wall, his hands braced on the wall next to his head. 

"Why are you here?" Vince manages to get out. 

Ryan shrugs, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, his blue eyes intense as they stare into Vince's dark ones. Vince half-wonders if Ryan can read his mind, and he wills his mind to stop pushing images of Ryan's mouth on his dick into his memory. Vince tears his eyes from Ryan, not trusting himself to speak.

"You looked like you wanted to talk downstairs, before you went running scared."

Vince glares at Ryan, bringing his hands up to curl around Ryan's forearms, as he nibbles absentmindedly on his bottom lip. "I kind of wanted to be alone."

Ryan laughs. "Liar." He leans in, hips bumping against Vince's. Vince bites his bottom lip as a wave of heat rushes through his system at the contact. Ryan is eyeing him speculatively, head slightly tilted. "You want the company. Especially mine."

Vince swallows around the lump in his throat, and drops his eyes. His eyes catch on the blue silk tie Ryan is wearing. "Nice tie," he mumbles weakly.

Ryan leans his head down, his lips hovering over Vince's ear. "You remember what happened to the original one, Captain?"

Vince groaned as he felt Ryan's lips brush across his ear. Ryan's words sparking the memory. Vince remembers how he yanked hard on the silk, half out of his mind with lust, and frustration that he could not touch Ryan. He wanted to make Ryan come undone, watch his expression go from calm indifference to someone all consumed with lust. He's half-aware of a dampness on his wrists, and Vince half-wonders if silk can cut skin, as he watches Ryan sit up. 

Ryan has a hand curled around his dick, eyes hooded, the fringe of his eyelashes hiding his piercing blue irises from Vince's sight. Vince yanks hard on his bindings, his heels digging into the bed as he tilted his hips up to Ryan. "Jesus fuck, Malone, would you just … would you just let me come for fuck's sake?"

Ryan looks smug, and Vince knows if he wasn't restrained, he would have probably already smacked him. Vince couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from watching Ryan's hand as it moved slowly over himself. The sight alone of Ryan touching himself was almost enough to make Vince come. He settled for tugging relentlessly on his bindings, so far beyond caring about restraint, or whatever the fuck it was Ryan was going on about earlier, and cursed as Ryan finally curled the fingers from his free hand around Vince's cock. 

Vince's eyes were screwed shut, as he finally tugged hard enough on his bindings. He heard a ripping sound, and his arms fell limply at his sides. He nearly bit through his bottom lip, and came all over Ryan's stomach. 

Vince steeled his features, as he forces the memory away, and brings his eyes up to stare directly into Ryan's. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Malone."

"You're a bad liar, has anyone ever told you that, Captain?" Ryan's nose was nuzzling Vince's neck. "Y'know, that was my favourite tie, Captain." 

Vince's knees almost buckle as Ryan scrapes his teeth over the side of his neck. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You seem to have gotten along fine without it." Vince rubbed the silken material with his thumb and index finger. "This one seems to be doing the job."

Ryan leaned away slightly, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Kind of like how you've been trying to convince everyone but yourself that you're doing just fine?" His head dipped slightly, his teeth nipping at Vince's bottom lip. He curled his fingers around Vince's wrist, his thumb brushing over the thin, yet sensitive skin there as he slid Vince's hand away from his tie. "The tie's a replacement. Kind of like how Brad found a replacement for you."

Ryan's comment seemed to be the catalyst for all the frustration and anger Vince felt over the past week. His jaw was set, lips pressed in a thin line, as he balled his hands into fists, scrunching the material of Ryan's dress shirt. Vince found he was at a loss for words in that instant. He weighed Ryan's comment over and over in his mind, stared at Ryan appraisingly, looking for even a small dent in the storminess of Ryan's blue eyes. He found nothing. 

So, instead of returning Ryan's jab, Vince curled his hand around Ryan's tie, and moving lightning quick, he dragged Ryan the scant inches separating them, his mouth covering Ryan's possessively. Ryan kissed like a match burnt down to the end, scorching in its intensity, and just as dangerous as pouring gasoline on an already open flame. He smelled like finely milled soap, and seductively male, it made Vince dizzy. Ryan's tongue explored the seam of Vince's lips lazily, teasingly. It was intimate, and nothing like the way Brad used to kiss him. 

Brad kissed with familiarity. Ryan with urgency, and something almost virile in its intensity. When they finally broke apart, Vince stared into Ryan's eyes, assessing how bad the damage may be at that kiss. Ryan's expression was impassive, eyes remote and as hard as sapphires. 

"Tell me what you want, Captain."

"Right now? Or in general?"

Ryan leaned onto his arms, mouth hovering over Vince's. "Whatever you want to give me, I'll take." 

Vince feels lightheaded, his whole body overfull with emotions he cannot put into words. A wave of nausea follows, before the edges of lust are pressing against his ribcage. "You. Just you," he chokes out. 

Ryan chuckled, his breath tickling Vince's bottom lip, as he let the tip of his tongue trace Vince's mouth. "Do my ears deceive me, or did I just hear the Captain of the Tampa Bay Lightning beg?"

"You must be losing your hearing, Malone," Vince returned sharply, his hands sliding down Ryan's torso, before they fumbled with his belt, and zipper. 

Ryan's eyes flickered with arousal as Vince managed to curl his hand around his length, stroking him slowly. "Just what do you think you're doing Captain?" 

Vince dropped to his knees in front of Ryan, flicking his eyes up to meet Ryan's. "I'm going to make beg," Vince whispered, his tongue darting out to flick across the head of Ryan's dick. "And, you're going to come in my mouth." 

Ryan groaned at the boldness of Vince's words, and he looked down just in time to see Vince sneak just the crown of his cock between his lips, tongue pressed to the underside of his length. "Oh, fuck," he said through gritted teeth, hands braced on the wall as Vince slid down his rigid length so maddeningly slow, Ryan came close to grabbing his head and fucking his mouth. Hard. 

He settled for biting down on his bottom lip, his eyes screwed shut as Vince sucked on him with a long, drawn out pull. He had a hand on the base, holding Ryan steady as his mouth worked him. Vince varied the tempo, and the strokes with his mouth, his tongue picking up the pre-come beading at the tip of Ryan's cock with light flicks. 

Ryan's whole body trembles, his pulse roaring in his ears as heat pools in his lower abdomen. The air around him is charged, his sight all consumed with Vince on his knees in front of him. His skin feels like a charged electric wire; Vince's mouth the spark. Ryan isn't sure how much longer he can hold out like this. His knees tremble, his arms shake, fingers clawing at the wall, as Vince does something absolutely maddening with his tongue, and it's all Ryan can do not to come right then and there. 

"Fucking hell," Ryan hissed.

"That's all you got?" Vince challenged, as he pulled off Ryan's dick briefly. 

Ryan tangles one of his hands in Vince's hair. "You can't handle what I can give you, Captain."

Vince's eyes are intense. "Is that a challenge, Malone?"

Ryan guides Vince's head into position again, his eyes trained on the crown of Vince's head. "You know that it is."

Vince's mouth was on Ryan again, and Ryan jerked his hips, forcing Vince further down on his cock. "Motherfucking fuck," Ryan said through gritted teeth. 

Vince's rhythmic movements with his mouth had Ryan's chest heaving with shallow breaths, the fingers tangled in Vince's hair tugging to the point of pain as Ryan controlled the angle and depth of Vince's mouth. 

With a muttered, "Fuck me …" Ryan feels his knees shake, and he lets out his breath in short, desperate pants. His spine straightens, and Vince feels Ryan's cock as it pulses against his lips.

Ryan's eyes drop to the space between them, his fingers tight in Vince's hair, as his other hand dug into Vince's shoulder to steady himself. He grunted quietly, gritting his teeth as he managed to pull his cock from Vince's mouth.

Vince barely had time to register what was happening, as he felt Ryan twitch in his hands. He closed his eyes mere seconds before he felt Ryan's come hit his cheeks, and eyelashes. 

"Fuck," Vince muttered at the same time Ryan did.

Ryan lets out his breath in a long whoosh, as he helps Vince to his feet, thumb swiping his come from Vince's still closed eyes. When Vince does open his eyes, the first thing he sees is Ryan licking his thumb clean. He cannot help the groan that escapes his throat at the sight. 

Ryan looks at Vince, with the same infuriating smirk plastered on his lips as he forces Vince's mouth to his. Vince's eyes go wide as he realizes Ryan still has his come in his mouth. Vince is dizzy as Ryan pulls away, his mouth moving to Vince's ear.

"Come on, Captain, _swallow_." 

Vince glares at Ryan, watching as he stares at him intently. Finally, Ryan reaches his thumb out, swiping it at the corner of Vince's mouth, a teasing glint in his blue eyes. 

"Asshole," Vince growls, smacking Ryan's shoulder. "Although I'm not surprised at your inability to take direction." 

Ryan lets out a sharp bark of laughter, before his hands are at the waistband of Vince's sweats. He slides them over Vince's hips, letting them fall to the ground. Vince's hands move swiftly, shedding Ryan of his clothing, before he is pushing Ryan towards the bed. 

The backs of Ryan's knees hit the edge of the bed, and Vince lets gravity take over, as they fall onto the bed. Ryan manages to pin Vince down, straddling him at the waist, as he leans over him.

"Who says I can't take direction?" He grinds against Vince, and smirks as Vince bites on his bottom lip. "Maybe I just enjoy riling you up."

"You can be such a dick, sometimes, Malone."

"You love it." Ryan nipped at Vince's bottom lip quickly, before he slides down Vince's form, mouth and tongue making a wet trail down Vince's torso as he went. He licks around the edges of Vince's heated opening, smirking as he feels Vince's legs shake, his mouth half-open in a silent gasp. He traces his fingers around the hole slowly, before he glances up at Vince. 

"I can't have all the fun, Captain."

Vince sits up, glaring at Ryan as he watches Ryan rifle through his suitcase, before he comes back with the small bottle. He tosses it to Vince, who fumbles with it slightly. He scrambles up on the bed, leaning back against the pillows, and watches as Ryan straddles his lap. He grinds his hips down against him, listening as Vince's breath hitched slightly. Ryan bit on his bottom lip, watching as Vince lifted his arms, grasping the headboard tightly. Ryan groaned, realizing Vince's body was on full display this way.

"You really want to fuck me, don't you?" Ryan growled, as he ground down against him again.

Vince curled his fingers around Ryan's hips. "You said it, not me."

"You're such a bad fucking liar."

"And you have a dirty mouth, Malone."

"Takes one to know one," Ryan returned, nipping lightly at Vince's bottom lip. He shifted his position slightly, and arched an eyebrow at him. "You going to help me at all?"

Vince laughed, and arched his hips slightly, creating a delicious little bit of toe-curling friction. He bit his bottom lip to contain his excitement, and lifted his eyes to Ryan. Vince saw a coolness in the depths, and it robbed him of all breath. "This isn't for you, Malone." He felt Ryan slide two fingers into his mouth, their eyes meeting across the space as he sucked on Ryan's fingers. "Get on with it."

Ryan smirks down at Vince, as he slides his fingers down to the space between his ass. "I had no idea you liked to watch, Captain."

Vince cannot think of a reply to that as he watches Ryan slip his fingers inside. His eyes are shut, limbs trembling as he fucks himself open with his fingers. Vince runs the palms of his hands up Ryan's thighs, watching every flicker of emotion that came over Ryan's face. 

Vince isn't sure how he manages to get the top of the bottle open, but the next thing he knows, he has a slick hand around his dick, sliding his fist over his length as he watches Ryan fuck himself on his fingers. 

"Come on, Malone," Vince said through gritted teeth.

Ryan sighed, as he gripped the headboard with one hand for balance, the fingers of his other hand curling around the base of Vince's cock. "So demanding."

Vince was about to come up with a retort, but he bit it back as he felt Ryan push just the tip of his dick inside him, blue eyes staring at Vince as he did so. Ryan moved agonizingly slow as he slid down Vince's cock. Inch, by inch, making sure Vince felt every slight movement. 

"Fucking hell," Vince groaned. "God fucking damnit, Malone."

"That's the idea," Ryan replied, hovering over Vince, hands curled around Vince's shoulders. His hair was dishevelled, the curls casting shadows across his chest. Ryan lowered his head, the tip of his tongue tracing the seam of Vince's bottom lip. "It turns you on to watch me fuck myself on your cock, doesn't it?"

Ryan's blunt, crude sentence caused Vince's cock to twitch, and him to groan. His fingers dug into the headboard, and he arched his hips to try to force Ryan further down onto his rigid length. "Oh fuck me …" Vince said through gritted teeth as he felt Ryan slide down another inch. 

"You'd say _anything_ to see me all the way on your dick." Ryan slid further down Vince's length, his fingers tangled in Vince's hair tugging his head back. His mouth covering Vince's, as his tongue mimicked what he knew Vince was wishing he would do.

"Fucking hell, Malone," Vince moaned when they broke apart. He writhed beneath Ryan, craving the contact. He was practically burning up with need. Part of him was enjoying the pace Ryan was setting, the other part wishing Ryan would just lose all control and fuck him until he was raw. "You're trying to kill me," Vince mumbled as Ryan finally slid all the way down onto his dick.

Vince could feel the hot gaze of Ryan's searing blue eyes on his as he lifted his dark eyes to meet Ryan's. Vince's grip on Ryan's hips faltered slightly as he glimpsed something in the swirling blue depths. The look Ryan was giving Vince was raw, and full of vulnerability. Complete transparency. Which was something Vince hardly ever saw from Ryan. Vince felt a memory stir of the time he went to Ryan's after he came back from New York in the summer. The same striking vulnerability in Ryan's eyes now was the same as that millisecond glimpse Vince witnessed back then. He pushed a stray strand of hair off Ryan's face, his eyes communicating everything he couldn't put into words in that instant. 

As quickly as the look clouded his irises, it disappeared as Ryan tore his eyes away from Vince. Ryan dug his knees into the mattress, hands braced on Vince's shoulders for balance as he lifted, pulling off his cock. He pushed back down, the movement easier now. Ryan pulled off Vince's dick again, slowly, making sure Vince felt every inch of him. Vince shifted restlessly beneath Ryan, his teeth nearly biting through his lip. 

"Fuck you feel good," Vince whispered, as Ryan sunk onto him, over and over, making sure he felt every nuance of friction. "You were made for me." Vince immediately regrets the words the minute they spilled from his lips as Ryan immediately goes still. 

"Are you getting sentimental on me now, Captain?" Ryan breathed, his breath tickling Vince's cheeks as he rested his damp forehead against Vince's.

Vince scoffs and moves his hips in a little circle, earning him a sharp intake of breath from Ryan. "You wish, Malone."

Ryan laughed, as reached behind him, setting his hands on Vince's knees. "That'd make me Brad, and, really, Captain, did you really want that now?"

"Were you always this mouthy with Smith?" Vince growls, not being able to stop the words as they left his mouth.

The look that came over Ryan's face then made Vince wish he had kept his mouth shut. Ryan's features tightened minutely, brow furrowed in concentration. Eyes warring with vulnerability and … unmistakeable pain. 

"I …" Vince started, hands grappling at Ryan's sweat slick skin. "I didn't mean anyth -"

"Shut up," Ryan said harshly, voice gravely, avoiding eye contact with him. "And come for me." 

Vince was about to respond, but he swallowed his words as he watched Ryan arch his back. He rose off Vince's rigid cock, making sure to drag out every movement so Vince felt every stroke. Despite the quickened pace to Ryan's movements, Vince still felt every slight adjustment Ryan made to his strokes. He was almost out of his mind with every move Ryan made, the tremors settling in his core.

"Only if you come for me," Vince hissed between his clenched teeth, fingers curling around Ryan's rigid, throbbing length.

Ryan straightened suddenly, and groaned as he sunk all the way onto Vince's cock. That did it, Vince realized, as he jerked, and came, jetting hard and fiercely into Ryan. Vince felt as Ryan twitched around him, milking every last drop from him as he felt him pulse against his hand. Ryan came soon after, spilling all over Vince's hand and his bare stomach. 

When the haze in Vince's mind finally cleared, Ryan was laying on the sheets next to him, a slight sheen of perspiration clinging to his chest. Vince reaches across the space separating them - as vast and wide as the HIllsborough River - his fingers catching on the ends of Ryan's hair. The copper strands sliding through his fingers like liquid fire. It takes Vince's breath away. 

It is a long time before Ryan turns his head, eyes stoic, the blue irises feigning indifference. Vince wants to shake him, hit him, scream at him: _What is it you want?_

Vince feels lightheaded, and slightly euphoric. "Ry -" his voice falters, Ryan's name dying on his lips. 

Ryan shifts on the sheets, eyes averted from Vince's. "You feeling better now?"

Vince shifts closer, and sighs as he realizes Ryan has not moved away from the contact. He's not sure if trying to quantify what it is they are doing is the way he wants to go right now, so he settles for a muttered, "Yes."

He hears as Ryan chuckles softly next to him. "Good."

Vince brushes his hand across Ryan's. "You should stay."

"Should I now?" Vince can hear the slight guarded tone Ryan's voice takes on. 

Vince interlaces their fingers, ignoring how intimate of a gesture it is, and whispers against Ryan's ear, "Yes. Stay."

"Okay," Ryan finally says. "I'll stay."

Vince wakes hours later from a restless sleep. He can feel the heat from Ryan's body as he sleeps next to him. His slumbering form sends a calming wave through Vince, and he can't help but roll onto his side, and tuck his head into the crook of Ryan's neck. 

He thinks over the expression Ryan's eyes took on when he mentioned Mike's name, and he knows the path they're on can only end in one of them pushing the self-destruct button. Vince knows he can't keep doing this. Living like he constantly has his thumb hovering on a self-destruct button. 

But, as he breathes in Ryan's scent, lets the warmth of Ryan's form radiate next to him like a blast furnace, he realizes it may be a lot harder to extricate himself from this then he ever thought possible. 

He watches as Ryan sleeps, palm pressed over the left side of Ryan's chest. As Vince dozes, he mumbles Ryan's name, the single syllable falling from his lips like a breeze flitting across Tampa's bay.


End file.
